NASTY

"You want to donate?”

The cashier nods down to the collection box on the counter and fixes me with a startlingly intense stare. Do I want to donate? That’s a question I wasn’t prepared to answer when I stepped into WHSmiths for a White Americano and packet of Extra Strong Mints for the youngest.

The people in the line are watching, judging. The youngest is watching, judging too. But also I guess looking for guidance on what to do the next time someone in a shop asks him if he wants to donate. The truth is, I don't. For some reason the disdain I feel for people I don’t know asking me for money far outweighs any compassion I might feel for the poor and needy. Especially when they’re wearing yellow ears. But she’s still staring, and it doesn’t look like the transaction is going any further without an answer. Which means a dozen people’s day has been halted as a result of my callous indecision.

GOD AWFUL ADVERTISING

Funny how the laws of advertising don’t apply when it comes to God. You’d think a once all-powerful worldwide movement trying desperately to hang on to the last remnants of credibility would try a bit harder.

You can imagine God’s brand people briefing the agency:

"Okay, so the challenge we have is that people are repulsed by our use of meaningless cliches, antiquated language and constant references to insanely cruel and sadistic ancient torture techniques." 

And the agency goes away, gives it plenty of the old blue sky, and comes back with this:

At which the brand people pop a bottle of bubbly, give each other a hearty pat on the back and brace themselves for an unprecedented surge in church attendance and a complete reversal of society’s encroaching secularism.