DEAD AGAIN

Today I stumbled upon a thought, the magnitude of which can barely be comprehended. In fact I’m seriously considering patenting it, and then using it to start a new world order that will probably change the course of human history. Not a new ‘religion’ you’ll notice. Because that’s the point. We don’t need religion any more. Because of my new thought.

The way I see it religion causes quite a few problems. Wars, genocides, international terrorism, ethnic cleansing, that sort of thing. We all kind of accept that, and thank God that in this country the most radical thing religion has done recently is open on Sundays.

But religion persists, and millions around the world have to put up with the unfortunate side effects. Why? Because whoever created us never got past the beta version, and released us with a major defect: we don’t get it. We don’t get who we are, why we’re here, and what the hell happens when we die. So, with no sign of a recall, we set about coming up with our own patch. Voila, religion.

What scares us most is the prospect of non-existence. A state of non-being that – well – never ends. Ever. The closest we can get to imagining it is a sort of forced paralysis. A restless, suffocating sleep from which we can never waken. Like Han Solo frozen in Carbonite, but for eternity rather than three years. And with far less ornamental potential.

Of course, the chances are that we won’t actually know about it whilst it’s happening.  But to anyone who spends most of his or her time being aware of things, the prospect of not knowing about something is in itself terrifying. Incomprehensible. The most enduring memory of my vasectomy was the dreadful prospect of being put to sleep for ten minutes.  It wasn’t the duration, it was the fact that I’m used to doing it myself when it suits me, and the idea of someone else taking control was utterly terrifying. (Who needs a general aesthetic for a vasectomy? I hear you ask. It’s technical.)

It’s undeniable that most of us understand not knowing things about as much as a light bulb understands darkness. Not that a light bulb understands much, but you get the point.

But all this misses one crucial point. We’ve all been there before. Because before we were born, we didn’t exist. Just as we won’t after we die. And I don’t think anybody carries terrible memories of what it was like not existing then. So why worry about repeating the trick? We’re all pretty well practiced, having already done it for … well, for eternity. Or was it?

The very fact I’m talking about it in the past tense suggests it ended.  And the one thing you can be certain about with infinity is that it goes on forever in all directions.  It doesn’t have any ends.  Sure, if you set off backwards from the point you were born, you’d keep going forever.  But not if you changed your mind at some point, turned round and headed back.  Then you’d be back to the point of being born before you know it. And that marks the end of your eternity of non-existence. And, as mentioned before, eternity doesn’t have any ends.  So our pre-birth non-existence wasn’t eternal. And as our post-death non-existence is exactly the same only the other way round, then that’s not eternal either.

So there you have it, incontrovertible proof. Death is nothing new, you’ve done it before, and even if you don’t take to it, just hang on in there because it won’t last forever. Sorted.

Next week I’ll be looking at ‘the problem of evil’ –  or why shit happens.



For more cheerful thoughts on ceasing to exist, go to:

Nail in the Coffee 


@jesoverthinksit