STILL HERE

David went cos he lost. Nigel went cos he won. Boris went cos he won but can’t win thanks to Michael, who reckons he can win despite having won. Theresa lost but might win, even though no one who lost can. Jeremy won but, like Boris, can’t win, so he’ll be gone soon too - once someone who can win wins. Tony would probably have to go soon if it weren’t for the fact that he already went. So he’ll stay gone.

Meanwhile, the rest of us - winners and losers - aren’t going anywhere. Us amateur legislators don’t have the luxury of resigning, disgraced and discredited, because we never had a reputation to besmirch. Of fading back into the background, because we never stepped out of it. Of spending more time with our families because we spend too much time with them already.

MIND THE GAP

Today as I boarded a tube train I was warned to "mind the gap". Twice. And then, more specifically, to "mind the gap between the platform and the train". So I took a proper look at the gap for perhaps the first time in my life. And found it to be around 2.5 inches wide. Which left me wondering what danger such a gap could represent. Later at the airport I traversed a gap at least half an inch wider between the top of some stairs and an aeroplane. And no one said a word.

Is it because, when it comes to flying, falling fifteen feet through a 3 inch gap onto concrete is the least of your worries? Or does EasyJet just not care? Or can London Underground just not help itself trotting out the same old gap thing because it’s what it’s always done, and if it didn’t the tourists would complain? Even though no one really knows what they’re minding, and what it means to mind it.

But given the number of times it gets a mention, we can only assume the gap is insanely dangerous. So it seems strange not to be given more detail.