STILL HERE

David went cos he lost. Nigel went cos he won. Boris went cos he won but can’t win thanks to Michael, who reckons he can win despite having won. Theresa lost but might win, even though no one who lost can. Jeremy won but, like Boris, can’t win, so he’ll be gone soon too - once someone who can win wins. Tony would probably have to go soon if it weren’t for the fact that he already went. So he’ll stay gone.

Meanwhile, the rest of us - winners and losers - aren’t going anywhere. Us amateur legislators don’t have the luxury of resigning, disgraced and discredited, because we never had a reputation to besmirch. Of fading back into the background, because we never stepped out of it. Of spending more time with our families because we spend too much time with them already.

It’s easy for the professionals. Because no matter how mistaken and sadly deluded they turn out to be, there’s always someone who is mistaken and sadly deluded in the opposite direction who can step in and sort it. Not so for us great unwashed. When we break things there’s no Plan B to put it right. Which is strange, considering when it comes to changing the course of history we’re all pretty much novices. You’d think they’d give us a trial run; the opportunity to workshop a bunch of scenarios in a controlled environment. Just until we get the hang of it. But what’s done, it seems, is done.

In other news: Roy went, because Joe, Kyle, Chris, Gary, Danny, Eric, Dele, Wayne, Raheem, Daniel and Harry lost. Novak was able to lose all by himself, so he went. Which means Andy might win. Until he loses and then he’ll be gone too. 

And here we are, still here. Sitting in a burnt out wreck of a country like a bunch of delinquent joy riders. Only we didn’t steel the car, we were given it. Talking of which, Chris just went. But at least there’s another half dozen presenters to pick up the pieces and try again. 

Guess no one’s going to give us a second series.

@jesoverthinksit