AVENGED

And…Action!

"I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to put that away," instructs the security guard.

“Why?” I ask innocently.

"There’s no filming or photography here I’m afraid."

“Why?" I ask again, getting into the part. "This is a public street.” 

Pause. The tension builds.

"You can take a picture of the trucks," he counters. "But the signs and number plates are confidential."

"You're talking a load of absolute bollocks," I spit with beautifully controlled malevolence. "What harm can there possibly be in us taking a picture of a crane!"

"Dad, please, come on!" pleads the eldest from stage left.

But I push on regardless, twirling my rhetorical war hammer to deliver the killer blow:

"And there's absolutely no way a number plate can be confidential!"

IRON MOUTH

“I don’t know what I’m looking at," said the dentist, as we clustered round the screen to examine my X-ray.  

That, I thought, was an unusual thing for a dentist to say.  Because if there’s one thing you can be sure about with dentists it's that they always know what they’re looking at. And exactly how to describe it to the person whose job it is to write it down.  Without questioning.  Let’s face it, when was the last time you heard a dental assistant say: “Hang on a minute, slow down a bit. Are you absolutely sure you got that right?  Doesn’t sound very likely to me.” You don't.  Because when it comes to the inside of your mouth, there are no surprises. There’s nothing there that doesn’t have a name.  And the dentist knows what it is.